Being a mom is hard sometimes...
August 29, 2023
I made an impromptu stop at my happy place, Grand Marais MN, for a few hours today. I brought more of my jewelry to Joy and Company but am using these few extra hours here to distill, decompress, and reflect on fully entering a new phase of my life - an empty nester. And to top it off, I am an empty nester who has left the nest as well and now lives 3.5 hours away from her kids in a home that isn’t a home where they have resided WITH me. So I feel like I am no longer "home" for my kids. To tell you the truth, I have been feeling like that for the last couple of years as we have slowly been making our move from the Minneapolis-St. Paul area to the woods of northern Wisconsin.
Lots of mixed feelings are stirring inside. I’ve worked so hard to raise my girls as best as I can. I know I screwed up at times but hopefully they have taken the mix of strength and weakness, joy and sorrow, hard work and play that they have seen in me and will use it to forge their own paths now. I’ve let go of the reins for the most part but I’m still always going to be there when needed. This part of motherhood has been the hardest to navigate. There really wasn’t any preparation for how to transition into this smoothly. But I guess much like the rest of my motherhood experience, I will fumble along and hopefully not mess it up too much.
My kids are my heart living outside of my body. I thought I’d be relieved when I wasn’t needed everyday but it’s sad. It’s a death of an identity. Or if not a death, it’s a major shift in that identity. And I am kind of lost with it all. I bet there are many of you going through the same thing or have gone through it already. Feel free to send me your thoughts for how I manage all this. And maybe give me reassurance that my kids will still want to cuddle with me again someday.
But for now, I’m just going to sit here with Mama Superior and allow whatever feelings that need to arise to do so.
And girls… if you read this, always know that Momma loves you so much and I will drop everything to be there when you need me. 
